Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Not a Movie, Not a Nightmare - Memories

Today's DBlogWeek Day 3 post is about sharing a memorable diabetes day, taking it anywhere, whether you or a loved one's diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share.

For me this is a very dark subject playing out in my mind as a scene from a very sinister horror movie. I've tried to write about them before and just now, a post sits there in my drafts, unfinished.

To play it out again in my mind - and then writing it as if it were a screenplay brings everything flooding back, and I can't - I won't do it. At least not now. I'm not ready, and not sure if I'll ever be ready.

Think of your worst nightmare that you've ever had. Think of the fear, the darkness, the helplessness. You know it's not real, so the memory eventually fades.

Not so with my diabetes memories. Because they were real.

In the haze of a low blood sugar, on thee edge of consciousness, I can't remember much - just flashes or snippets of memory. But they can play out in my mind as if it were just last night.

I feel anxiety rising, remembering the real fear, and the fog. It starts in the pit of my stomach, but has nowhere to go, and I just want to hide.

But this is real life, and not just some bad dream. The worst part is, there have been some very real consequences. The most disturbing is that I have scared those who love me most.

And for that, there's only one thing I can say, and share with you today.

Damn you, diabetes.

You can find more Memories posts on the Wednesday 5/15 Link List.

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  1. Powerful post. You put into words what I never can. Thank you!

  2. Gave me goosebumps! Haunting post. Raw and truthful. Love it!

  3. Oh my, Jamie. Even without the full story, your words created much anxiety. I can't even imagine what it must have been like.