Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Little Whispers

I am not a jealous person, or even an envious one.

Ok, maybe I'm lying a little bit.

I admit I feel a twinge of envy as my friends dig right into the lukewarm leftover pizza after a meeting, without a care in the world. They don't wonder how many carbs is in a Meat Lover's slice from Pizza Heaven, or how much insulin will cover that for the time being, or how much to extend a bolus over the course of several hours when the Post Pizza High comes back to haunt them.

I know it's childish of me, but I'm envious, just a little.

I wish I could sketch too//envy alert//: Source Unknown

On reflection of my "career" with diabetes, I can't remember ever having a good an in-range HbA1c. Ever. That's almost 25 years of numbers over 8% and sometimes much higher, representing blood sugars 10.2+ mmol (183+ mg). Ideally, we are told, someone with diabetes should an A1c of 7%*, representing blood sugars in range of 8.6 mmol (154 mg).

*Sidenote: This recommended amount is general, and varies depending on your physical condition, age, and a host of other factors. 

I am well versed in the concept that I should have a lower A1c. Really I am. Now it certainly is my endo's job to remind me of this, (although senility has not yet set in - I do recall this fact all by myself). But for some reason, just about every other medical professional seems to have a vested interest in what My Number is, often adding their respective specialty's list of what could go wrong if I don't get That Number down.

Life should be so easy, eh?

Just another side note for anyone about to jump on the lower-number-is-better bandwagon: Just because I have a higher A1c than "recommended", it does NOT mean I haven't been trying. The value of how much I try does not correlate to my A1c level.

So, when I see my fellow diabetes friends share Their Number achievements, I am truly happy, even excited for them. I know how much work goes into even lowering it by just a little.

One could actually argue that I don't know, because I've never got there myself, but I will leave that discussion for those eager to make that point.

But, as I celebrate those successes with my friends, there's a little devil, sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear, "Don't you wish that was you?"

However, I am a lucky person. I also have an angel sitting on my other shoulder, reminding me that I can do this, and perhaps one day I will be able count myself among those who celebrate our successes.

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own.
 ~Harold Coffin*~

*See what I did there? Seriously, the author's name is really Coffin!