Appease Me Not

"You see me on the street, you always act surprised
You say, "How are you? Good luck," but you don't mean it
When you know as well as me you'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once and scream it?"

Now, I'm not usually a Bob kinda girl. But when I heard Positively 4th Street yesterday, the lyrics went right to the heart of matters. Admittedly, Bob was likely not thinking of an endo-CDE-patient kind of relationship when he wrote this song back in the day (Larry informs me it was a hit in 1965 -- he's helpful like that).

It's been a rocky road for me lately. I've been grounded -- no driving for me. Long story, but I've found out some things, and I need answers. So this week I'm going to be visiting the medical records department to get my hands on a report (likely for a ridiculous fee) that my endocrinologist submitted to the Ministry of Transportation.

The question is - did she just tell me that I was a "great and compliant patient" just to appease me? Funny, she never made me feel that way before. What changed? The fact that she had bad news to share, and if she told me this story just to make things easier for us during the appointment? I wonder. I need to find out. And that report contains answers.

A doctor-patient relationship is supposed to be based on trust. I feel like I've been let down. I need answers to questions like - did the doctor really do what she said she'd do. If she did do it, I can let the matter rest, and work on rebuilding the trust. If she did not do it, then, that's a whole other matter.

I fear that trust cannot be restored.

"You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend
When I was down, you just stood there grinning
You got a lotta nerve to say you gotta helping hand to lend
You just want to be on the side that's winning"
                                                          ~Bob Dylan